Russian Roulette

In the Paleo Cook Book I have by Loren Cordain, explains about “The Three Levels of the Paleo diet and the 85-15 Rule” Basically as newbies to the diet, the advice is to try and eat Paleo 85% of the time. So we have 21 main meals a week – so you are allowed 3 cheat meals or non-paleo meals a week… As you continue and get used to the diet you only have 2 then 1 until you are a full on caveman…

So Jay and I have been pretty good to be fair, bar the popcorn snack on Tuesday and a couple of beers at the Opera – all our meals had been Paleo… even our snacks have been Paleo so we are pretty proud of that so far.

I have lost 2.3 kilos this week which I am pleased about and Jay has maintained his weight… Other benefits both of us have experienced this week are no bloating which both of us experienced quite a bit), none of the typical bowel and stomach issues and apparently Jay has been waking up naturally on time this week rather than relying on his alarm clock.

SOOOO with all the positives and how diligent we had been with our diet, we took the opportunity to cash in on one of the groupon vouchers I bought a couple of months ago for what was advertised as “The Hermitage Double Bay is the most luxurious Russian cabaret restaurant in Australia.”

On the menu was a luxurious 16 course banquet for two. Half of the stuff on there I cannot even pronounce let alone EAT… It was probably the most surreal experience I have EVER had.

Let me set the scene – we arrived to an address where there were A LOT of Russians milling about outside, dressed VERY fancy, I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, all of a sudden I felt very under dressed. The building itself was a very lavish old establishment in Double Bay- it looked like an old hotel or something, was very nice. There was no signing or directions to the restaurant. After a quick climb of a flight of stairs we arrived at the dining area – which was basically a large function room. It felt like we had rocked up at some Russian wedding. On one side of the room was 4 long tables filled with people and on our side – a load of separate dining tables. On the side with all the long tables was an abundance of stylish, designer label bombshells with their men. Gucci and Prada lofas, chinos and slick back hair for the men. Killer heels, tight dresses and mini skirts for the women. WHERE ARE WE? The side we were seated at were blatantly all the patrons that had purchased the vouchers from groupon. No designer in site.

We arrived to our table already completely full of food – who knows how long it had been sat there… all I know is the table next to us was already set up as well… and the couple for it didn’t arrive until 15 minutes later. YUK.

There was one or two elements that were nice, smoked fish, waldorf salad, some sweet pastry with meat inside – we ate these first as we recognised them and it tasted alright… then it all just got a little weird… We kind of skirted around the outside of each plate, the food was rich and there was potatoes and bread and carbs all over the place. i did take some pleasure in a slice of bread smothered in butter (it was our cheat meal after all). One of the dish’s however was this VILE looking gelatinous blob which apparently is a traditional Russian Easter dish… all I can say is Jay tried it and pretty much almost vomited it all right back up onto the table.

After a little while the lights dimmed down and the band started cranking – just made it feel like we had crashed someones wedding even more… We were still due a fish platter, tea and berries and some other food that I cannot pronounce – I looked at Jay and said “let’s make a run for it…” So we swiftly wiped our mouths stood up and left (don’t worry all you moral do – gooders – I had already handed over my voucher so the bill was completely paid)

After re-introducing carbs and other non paleo foods into my diet, only after a week, I felt bloated and full and just generally gross… made me glad that we have changed our diet… I definitely think that it is for the best.

Needless to say I won’t be visiting that joint again…

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Categories: Progress

2 Comments on “Russian Roulette”

  1. April 8, 2012 at 2:43 pm #

    Can you send me the recipe for that lovely looking dish?

  2. jay
    April 8, 2012 at 3:03 pm #

    Most disgusting thing I’ve had. Apparently made by boiling the crap out of some pig’s trotters, chicken feet, and vomit for a few hours before adding gelatine and cat food.

    Bon Appétit.

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